Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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