mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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