Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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