I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The air taste purple.
Randomize
