I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
