We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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