Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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