before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
