tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
