just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
