Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
