May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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