Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
