does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
