Well apparently he's into motor boating.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
