I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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