Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
