I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
