peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ttyl tear gas
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Panties = found
Randomize
