We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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