You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
