Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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