im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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