Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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