Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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