Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
