I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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