I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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