What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
