shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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