i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
