whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
