WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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