i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
