dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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