You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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