Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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