I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
