all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
do herpes really smell.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
