You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
