u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
