apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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