I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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