Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes

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(908): View more from New Jersey

girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.

Fav 8 1098 4705
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(313): View more from Michigan

I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.

Fav 40 1286 12446
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(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.

Fav 14 5379 1684
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(513): View more from Ohio

I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!

Fav 10 3495 1264
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(765): View more from Indiana

the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....

Fav 15 4455 1266
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(224): View more from Illinois

I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.

Fav 6 2624 948
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(416): View more from Toronto

I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.

Fav 4 1081 586
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.

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