You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
