OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
