Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
