Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
