so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
