I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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