eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
