my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
